it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
