i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
