some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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