is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
