i was born a porn star she said
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just blew my weed a kiss
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
