I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
