i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
