Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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