Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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