I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
