im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
