You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
