And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
