I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
