Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
