You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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