oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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