Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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