guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
