My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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