Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
