so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
