this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I want is dick and wine.
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