R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
