Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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