Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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