My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
