you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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