We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
