Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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