margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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