I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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