Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
