My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i would punch a child for taco bell
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this just has baby written all over it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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