Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
