What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
