just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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