I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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