where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
