be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
