i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
