i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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