my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
