Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
