Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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