You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
