My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
