She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
there is glitter all over my balls
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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