I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
