i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my shit smells like andre
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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