We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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