Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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